random thoughts

09/11/2016

I was telling phy that I really like bunny but I will not confess for now.
Maybe it is better to keep it as a secret since I don't know whether I truly like him or not. But come on lah. How can this not be love when I have already contemplating about it since jc days?

You must be kidding me if this is not love but admiration.
But then again, having some inferior complex issues, I guess it would do him good if I keep it as a secret instead. Maybe he would be hurt if I told him the truth. Maybe we might not even be friends anymore.

I guess it really sucks if that would ever happen to our friendship. I guess it is good to remain as it is. If he were to pay some attention to my body language etc, he should be able to catch it by now (unless he is really oblivious about such issues).

I think I have been spending more effort in keeping contact with him and always be the one who takes the initiative to organize outings together. I also spent effort trying to ask him when he was having his lunch in school during nus days and always checked his schedule what time his lessons ended.
I don't really know what else I should be doing to make things right. Or whether I am just fantasizing over it.

The only thing that I can be certain of is that I am very willing to sacrifice everything for him. My heart sunk when I knew that the part of japan where he travelled to had earthquakes. Really. I was crying over it when I saw the news. I can't believe that I am crying while typing all these out. Seriously.

Call me a coward if you think I am.
I admit it anyway.

I also don't really know whether I like him because he scored well in his a levels and in university or whether it is purely love.
But if you were to ask me what I really like about him, I don't really think that there is an definite answer.

I guess that's love? if you can point out the definite answer why you like the person, does it mean that you only like that particular part about him? what if he does not have the trait anymore?
do you still like him for who he is?

Something to ponder about while I continue with my soul-searching...