Meetup on 29th Dec 2011

It's me again.

Here is my fourth blog post for the month, maybe I should make it a good habit to update this blog since I'm having my holidays anyway.

Met up with um yesterday, it was quite some time since I last met her.

The meeting was good, we had fried chicken party set for dinner LOL.

Missed going to tampines though, it's like quite some time since I went there.

Perhaps it's refusal or denial to face the reality, whatever you call it.

I cannot be bothered by it.

I'm sorry, Um.

I was too distracted by the past memories haix.

I shall start going there and until, the memories wouldn't be brought out anymore when I go tampines again.

That is the time when I know that I can really let go of everything.

Zzzzzzz... I sound asif we were together-.-

This shall be my new year resolution for 2012.

Life

Yo! It's me again.

Probably I'm quite bored so I'm blogging about random stuffs today.

Maybe it is because of clinical attachment, that is why I'm thinking more about the future and how I will be die in near future...This is what life is all about: Live, Age, Sickness and Death. Since we are all human beings and we cann't foresee our future, maybe it is time to sit back and think about what we should do now in order not to regret in the future.

Gosh, I don't think this is what a 20-year-old should be pondering about when my peers are worried about their love life etc. I seriously believe that there is a 80-year-old living inside my body now:///////

Recently, I'm thinking about how I would age and die.....

Isn't this a bit scary that I'm thinking about all these now?

Hrm...

I have changed a lot. Seriously A LOT.

Until it is a bit scary?

LOL

This is so different for asian culture as issues regarding about death are purposely avoided. But isn't death a part of our lives also? So why are we avoiding to talk about death?

I am really thankful for my course actually - I am more mature now, thinking more sensibly especially after going through the attachment. It made me understand how precious life is and also, how vulnerable life is also.

Now, it is very important that I should be spending more time on doing more good deeds and meaningful things in my boring life:S Instead of spending time thinking about someone who does not deserve my precious time, I shall plan for my future.

It is only until today that I really realized that it is really impossible between us. Am I really prepared to sacrifice everything just to be with him? Am I really that noble to do that? Or do I have the courage to face all criticism by my relatives?

I doubt so.

Total failure...

Here is another self-reflection blog post about myself...

Initially, I wanted to blog about the updates of the rest of the clique and now...it seems that I'm doing self reflection of myself.

Perhaps I should get a new personal diary to do self reflection instead of doing it in here...But since I had already started self reflection just now, I might as well do reflection over here instead of wasting my time on drama series which is not going to be useful to my life at all. I really hope I can be as firm as I am now when school reopens in 2 weeks' time.

I failed as a student and I also failed as a friend to someone...I could have keep everything to myself instead of telling him out of the sudden. Am I an idiot? Hello?! Cann't I just bottled everything to myself for my entire life??? Without any warning or any signal, I told him my feelings without any hesitation.

DAMN ME TTM

I'm selfish as usual - I did not seek for his permission and without considering his feelings at all, I just told him everything out of nowhere.

I AM SO SELFISH

Doing things without using my brain at all

I mean, what's the point of confessing to him when you know that it is just impossible between you and him?! For goodness sake, do I seriously think that the sudden confession is going to make any difference at all? Please, just look forward instead of holding to the past memories dude.

By confessing to him, what do I seriously hope for when I did the confession?

Do I hope for him to accept it?

HELLO

I'm seriously being selfish by making the stupid confession in the first place. I do not know what's wrong with me at that point of time.

Why do I have to make things difficult for the both of us? Wouldn't it be good for both of us to remain as friends.

Fantastic...

Now I have messed everything up and it's too late to return to the original state.

The situation is severely screwed up by me thanks to my stupidity.

Now the situation can be exemplified by a glass of water has been evaporated almost completely as I did not put the glass of water to the fridge. And now, it's really impossible for me to find that original glass of water back as most of it has already been evaporated away.

Is it still possible for us to remain as good friends?

I have lost too many things and I really do not want to lose this friend anymore.

Thanks to my stupidness, I have messed up my relationships with a lot of people.

Sometimes, I really feel that I'm lonely:(

Or is it because I have changed a lot?

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Finally...A new post in Y2011

Hello everyone!

Here is my rare blog post for this year as I managed to remember the blog url LOL

There are so many things I want to share with everyone for the past one year about my updates but the list seems to be never ending. So, I shall keep things short and sweet by summarizing everyone's updates.

This year is full of ups and downs for me - it's like roller coaster ride. Maybe this year wasn't the right year for me...Okay, this is just a lame excuse. I received my GCE ''A" results early march and it was totally disappointing as I didn't do well; good enough to enter a local university but just not my dream choice. Thinking back about it, I really think I deserved it as I did not put in effort to study for "A" levels. Well, I said I was distracted by all sorts of things, but does it give me the right not to do well for examinations? I seriously doubt so. I'm just like this - a person who loves to blame on everyone except for herself. To think of it, I really failed as a student as well as a human being. So, the conclusion made is that I really deserve it.

What about now? Have I changed my attitude?

NO! I am still the same as always - a stubborn girl who refuses to learn from her lessons. I wonder when I can really grow up to a mature and sensible lady who takes her own responsibility in learning. I really hope that the day will come soon...

Instead of complaining about the rest how bad/good they are, I should change myself and view things positively. I really failed totally.

I complained about how SHE kept asking me out during my examination period which distracted me. Please, Tiss, has she ever point a gun at you and asks you to go out with her??? Or does she ever threaten you what she will do to you if you refused to go out with her???

STOP being an idiot and complains the whole day about everyone.

People will get sick of you eventually and...they will leave you once they are sick and tired of you and all your complains.

If you have any burning comments to tell people, you just take a deep breath and keep everything to yourself okay?

Study Break

Dated 11th August 2010,Wednesday.

I just returned home after having BBQ Chicken with Annette, i got no idea why am I such a slacker(was about to type out sucker instead of slacker=.=) This proves how unwell I am. Haix. For the past few weeks or so, I am been slacking happily instead of mugging really very hard just like Lamprey last year. Why cannt I just be like her, a hardcore mugger?! But well, I should focus right now and aim to reach for my target.

No more slacking and procrastinating from now on.

I dun care what price I will have to pay just to achieve what i want from now on.

Who cares about what they think of me?

EMO

Date: 9th June 2010

Now listening to Eat you up by BOA.

I should be doing my work instead of slacking right now for the past few hours. Yet, I am now emoing and a lot of stuffs are running through my mind right now. What on earth am i doing?!!!
Sadly but true, I do think that i shall not trust people that easily anymore.
IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE( FOR THE BETTER THAT IS FOR CERTAIN )
But the question is...
Will I be able to change for the better?
Probably not i guess

I think I am becoming more like her that she was last year.
Isit true that there is no such thing as 100% perfect in this world?
Can one ever get the best of two worlds?
How I wish i can ever do that.
Well,apparently not i think.

To me, everything has suddenly changed, for the worst...
I cannot help it but to feel pessimistic about everything.
Who can cheer me up?
Has anyone noticed about my change?
Drastic changes this year as compared to last year.

Maybe I'm undergoing meterphoresis or something...
Nah,i think "geographical isolation" would suits me more...

15/4/2010

Thursday 15th April 2010

I seemed to have undergone a roller coaster ride for the past 2 weeks or so.

Too much things have happened within this seemingly short period of time which disappoints me a lot. Too much in fact.

What am i supposed to do?

RUN AWAY FROM THE TRUTH?

OR SHOULD I TREAT IT ASIF I DON'T REALLY CARE?

This is so frustrating, i just cann't seem to figure it out somehow.

But there's something that i can confirm, that is the cruelity of the reality.

Probably it is just the hardcore truth where nothing can stop or prevent it.

Why everything seems to change so much recently?

So much until i could not believe the speed where by it is progressing.

Especially got to do with friendship.

Probably it is right that one should not place too much faith in friendship.

As you know, people change from time to time, not just physical appearance, but also, their own personality and values. The speed is amazingly fast that one could not realize about it.

But, that is just the truth , whether one like it or not.

I couldn't comprehend that no matter how hard i try to.

Why everything around me seems to evolve at such a fast pace????

Am i the only one that is being left behind?

Alone and yet defendless to the upcoming dangers/situations that i have to face with it alone?

Is it true that i'm the only one out of such complex,fast-paced world?

I hope not.

Seriously,i dun get it at all.

why one has to be so self-centred and yet put on a fake front to the others?

A highly invisible, yet defensive to all-mask.

where by no one could see it except for that person whom is trying all means to survive in harsh conditions,especially in a hyper competitive society.

Does one have to be so fake in order to survive & to backstab/forsake their close ones for the sake of the survival? Is it ever justified? Why is this phenomenon is so common anymore?

Does anyone ever thought of that?

Also,to think how difficult it is whereby one has to put on a fake front to his or her friends/relatives etc wherever he or she goes. Isn't it too tiring?